And then, I have this amazing relationship with my grandmother- far out-reaching your normal grandmotherly kind of relationship. She would pray unceasingly for me and my family. She would visit us for weeks at a time- holding babies and little boys, watching movies together, reading books, coloring, making playdoh flowers, and planting the real kind. I would encourage her with words that must have come straight from the Holy Spirit- impacting her heart like only He can. We even had a spat or two. Over adoption at that! It was a lot of money to raise for a woman raised in the depression. And don't even get her started on college expenses! We resigned to not talk about it anymore- but to take it to Jesus. And he would have to change one of our minds. 14 months later she was holding my baby girl with tears in her eyes. 8 days after that she went to be with Jesus. In a strange way, birth is forever connected with death in my heart.
And through it all, my precious mother. I would not be the mother I am without her example, prayers, love, and wisdom flowing through my mind and heart. She too lost her mother this year. She too has wept at loss in the face of life. She had a dream about the babies that would come into our family- not from my womb, but from others. She has embraced us all- at every turn. And supported us over and over with her words and her actions. She spoils this little girl as much (if not more!) than the boys that came from my belly. She has so woven her heart into these children that they call on her often- with joy from their hearts.
And finally, a birth mother. This woman I will never see. This woman sacrificed so much. This woman loved- when it was no where around her, when there was no hope. This woman made a choice. This woman saved the life of both her child and mine. It would be the same thing as someone pulling my son from a burning car. Or my child from the grip of a killer. This woman saved my daughter when she chose to give her life. And the quandary of my heart this weekend? I can never thank her. I can never show her the joy that flows from my daughter's heart. I can never explain to her what a wonderful thing she did. I can't ever send her a picture or a thank you card- though none of that would ever do it justice. All I can do is to put her before the Creator of heaven and earth- that He would make himself known to her. That my gratitude would come to her through Him. That He would meet her heart where it is- that His grace would become real to her. That she would never live in condemnation for the choices that she has made. That redemption would dwell near her. That perfect LOVE would cast out all fear. All I can do is pray- that somehow she would know.
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| and yes, that is JOY! |
Romans 8:23-24 "Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved."
John 3:16-17 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."
