Lily Anne . . . . . A prayer for you.

As I sit here in my fabulous air conditioned home, listening to the quiet that is evenings after children are in bed, I find my heart praying for you.  Longing for you.  Slightly intimated by what your heart has had to bear in so few years.  I am so sorry that it has taken us so long to get to you.  I know deep down that it is the Lord's design- that He has bigger reasons for our timing, but in a very human, mommy kind of way, I'm sorry.  I promise- we will make up for it over and over as soon as we get you.  I know it might be difficult- those first few months.  But we are going to make it.

For right now, I am praying that the Lord would be ever near to you.  That He would set His angels around you while you sleep.

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;  they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalm 91:11-12 

I am praying for your nannies- that they would have dreams of Jesus.  I am praying that they would encounter someone who will tell them the truth- that your dreams would be visible even through your eyes.  That they would be saved and we would be with them forever in the Resurrection.

"And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is at work in you who believe."  1 Thessalonians 2:13

I am praying for our paperwork, that it would sit on the right desk, on the right day, in front of the right person.  That they would know the Lord even through our signatures.  That someone would speak to them the truth, and even they would be saved while sitting in the government offices.

"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation,  31 which you have prepared in the sight of all people,  a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel." Luke 2:29-32  

And I suppose in a somewhat selfish way, I am praying for myself.  Praying that we would be enough.  Praying that we would be able to show you the truth and healing of a risen Savior.  Praying that love, both ours and your heavenly Father, would be enough to cover everything.  And praying against fear.  The kind that seeks to steal joy, hope, and happiness.  The kind that says we are not enough.  Praying to remember that my Jesus is so much bigger- bigger than your beginnings, bigger than my shortcomings, and bigger that the ocean that separates us.  

"The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray  Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  1 Peter 4:7-8

Life in a Hospital . . . . . For now. ;)

Hello friends-

It has been such a crazy last year.  Almost a year ago we came to the hospital with our youngest child, because she had critically low levels of platelets and hemoglobin.  After a week in the hospital, we were sent home on lots of steroids with very little change, and no clear diagnosis.  A week later, we switched to an amazing Pediatric Rheumatologist, who eventually was able to diagnose us with Lupus.  Incredibly rare in children, especially 3yr olds, but several blood tests indicated so.  For those who know a little bit about lupus, she only has symptoms in her blood.  No other system yet, just her platelets and hemoglobin.  Since then we have been on an adventure- with different medicines and treatments, looking for the one that will put her into remission for a season.

I must admit, there are many different theologies on the Lord in suffering.  There are an many different ideas on the Lord's work in healing.  But for us- we have come to know a couple of things.  No matter how healthy a birth mother is, no matter how picky you may or may not be, the Lord is the Author of our lives.  And though he loves my daughter more than I ever could, He has allowed her to be sick this past year.  Psalm 62 claims that my God is strong enough to defeat her disease, but it also says that He is loving.  And this past year, it seems He has been loving enough not to heal her.   

"One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving." Psalm 62:11-12 

For reasons that I cannot understand, I trust that He is holding her.  He directed our steps in this entire process, and He has heard this mother's cries.  And rest assured- I have cried out to Him.  I have spoken life over her.  I have sought the Lord for her healing.  And you know what?  I found Him.  In a very deep place, in a very REAL way, I found Him.  Holding my daughter tightly.  Weeping with her when she cries.  And I trust that when the day comes, He will teach her about Himself.  He will heal her.  He will explain to her all about her little life and why it has to be how it is right now.

Until then, we continue to pray.  We continue to believe.  And we continue to get pokes, and medicine, and give blood, and hang out with our amazing doctors.

 It's blurry, but she was unashamedly making a fabulous face at my daughter while talking to us about treatment choices.  I love pediatric doctors!!