It has been such a crazy last year. Almost a year ago we came to the hospital with our youngest child, because she had critically low levels of platelets and hemoglobin. After a week in the hospital, we were sent home on lots of steroids with very little change, and no clear diagnosis. A week later, we switched to an amazing Pediatric Rheumatologist, who eventually was able to diagnose us with Lupus. Incredibly rare in children, especially 3yr olds, but several blood tests indicated so. For those who know a little bit about lupus, she only has symptoms in her blood. No other system yet, just her platelets and hemoglobin. Since then we have been on an adventure- with different medicines and treatments, looking for the one that will put her into remission for a season.
I must admit, there are many different theologies on the Lord in suffering. There are an many different ideas on the Lord's work in healing. But for us- we have come to know a couple of things. No matter how healthy a birth mother is, no matter how picky you may or may not be, the Lord is the Author of our lives. And though he loves my daughter more than I ever could, He has allowed her to be sick this past year. Psalm 62 claims that my God is strong enough to defeat her disease, but it also says that He is loving. And this past year, it seems He has been loving enough not to heal her.
"One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving." Psalm 62:11-12
For reasons that I cannot understand, I trust that He is holding her. He directed our steps in this entire process, and He has heard this mother's cries. And rest assured- I have cried out to Him. I have spoken life over her. I have sought the Lord for her healing. And you know what? I found Him. In a very deep place, in a very REAL way, I found Him. Holding my daughter tightly. Weeping with her when she cries. And I trust that when the day comes, He will teach her about Himself. He will heal her. He will explain to her all about her little life and why it has to be how it is right now.
Until then, we continue to pray. We continue to believe. And we continue to get pokes, and medicine, and give blood, and hang out with our amazing doctors.
It's blurry, but she was unashamedly making a fabulous face at my daughter while talking to us about treatment choices. I love pediatric doctors!!
Awesome stuff, Lydia!
ReplyDelete