Bethany. . . your story, Part 1.

 Here we are walking down the hall, coming to meet you for the first time.  I am struck with amazement that we are almost here.  We have rearranged flights, flown in two airplanes, several taxis, and a mini van to get to you today.  And finally here we come. . .  and I find myself remembering.

I remembered the dinner your Daddy and I had as we decided now is the time to start the adoption process.  I remembered sitting at a table with Randy Bohlender asking all the right and wrong questions, but leaving feeling as if we were ready to start something really big.  I remembered meeting with Tracie the first time and believing her as she made it sound both amazingly complex and simple at the same time.  I remembered last summer, and finishing the mounds of paperwork for a home study, planning fundraising dinners, and praying for you every morning.  I remembered getting to September, and believing that you were going to come to us at any moment, only to see now that the Lord was just beginning to form you.  I remembered meeting for the first time with Susan, from Hannah's Dream.  I remembered loving her and them, but being disappointed because they didn't have any birth mom's yet and it might be a while.  I was so sure you were coming soon.  I remembered getting phone calls for little boys that needed homes and sitting at my kitchen table weeping, that I couldn't save them all.  But knowing that I must wait for the one the Lord had spoken so clearly about. . .  Bethany.  I remembered thinking that maybe you were to come this winter.  And I remember the birth mother the Lord put in our path to pray for those months- only to learn later that her baby girl was not our Bethany.  I remembered beginning to plan for an overseas trip without you. . . confused, but always following the Father.

And then.  I remembered the call from Tracie.  It was in early March and I had just put your daddy on a plane to Florida and then Haiti.  I remembered the frantic call to him.  I remember him saying, "This feels right."  I remembered agreeing from deep in my heart.  I remembered weeping when they called me and said you were a girl.  Our Bethany.  I remembered meeting and signing papers, and asking, "Are you sure June 24 is early enough for us to come back from our trip?"  I remembered working so hard in April to update our home study so we would be ready for you.  I remembered packing your diaper bag for the hospital, "Just in case."  I remembered praying for you and your birth mother fervently, that the Lord would make his heart known to you both.  That he would speak to you both, and protect you both.  And then I remembered yesterday morning, when I got the call that you were coming and I wept again.  Joy that is was finally time and sorrow that I wouldn't be there to get you.  There were wonderful arms there to hold you through the night, and for that I will forever be grateful.  But they were not mine. . .

So, here we are, approaching the door.  I see you and all the world stops.  There is no sound, there is no one around me.  It is only us and all I can think is. . .

"You are fearfully and wonderfully made, little one.  Fearfully and wonderfully."