lovely pics. . .

Just chillin'

Oh my. . .  if that isn't the look I get all the time from my boys. . . melts a mama's heart.

Absolutely wonderful big brothers.

Wow.

Did you people hear what I said?????

Again. . .  oh my.

I love my boys!

Have you seen such joy??

 

Someday I'll have to beg for kisses. . .  until then I will enjoy them to the fullest extent!

So, for those of you who have asked, these are some of my favorites.  Probably because the expressions caught are just plain perfect.  I knew the amazing Steve Willis would do a wonderful job, but when he showed up and sis cried more than I had hoped, and the boys whined, and I was insecure about my shirt choice (ruffles??? is it a puffy shirt???), and Samuel threw a fit about his shirt, and John's pants were wrinkled, and just about everything else that you can imagine, I didn't know if a miracle was possible.  And then I saw them and cried.

There is this strange reality in my heart that doesn't know how to take pictures.  I am sure it is rooted in some strange experience in middle school when some immature boy said something inconsiderate or some image from a magazine lodged itself in my brain, but for whatever reason I always feel like I look like a nerd in pictures.  I know, I know all the right answers.  But when someone stands in front of me with a camera I get all weird.  I stick my chin up too far, I close my eyes, I tilt my head abnormally to one side, or I giggle.  I make odd smiles, or just give up all together and quit.  Either way, there's a history of oddity in pics.  Even at one point being called a "Jerry's Kid." (you know, one of those kids a long time ago that would get charity donations because they had been through cancer and chemo and didn't have any hair) when I was a kid.  Though, let me be clear- I never had cancer, nor did I lose my hair.  It was just pulled tight in a ponytail.  I digress. . . . .

I think that one of the reasons I love these so much is that I look at my family, and can honestly say we are beautiful.  All of us.  And my heart overflows with pride- that the Lord has done such things in my heart that I can look at my children and see such beauty and then recognize that if the Father created them with such beauty, then he created me with it too.  And He is a good father.  He is a good creator.  And He is a lover of all things beautiful. . . even, and most especially me.  Inside and out.

I'm workin' on it. . .  I'll probably forget before the next photo shoot, but I'm trying to listen to the one who made me and knows me.  He is good.

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:4-6

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God,are strong, and that you O Lord, are loving. Psalm 62:11-12

My apologies. . . . I am such a bad blogger.

Well, I promise my friends. . .  I have all kinds of thoughts going on and things happening here and there.  I am also coming to the conclusion that I am a horrible blogger.  I can't ever seem to get to that last step. . . . actually typing it up here.  I have a thousand moments a day where I think, "wow that would make a fun blog."  OR "I should take a pic of that and put it on the blog."  OR "I really want to write about my precious baby and his/her birthday and how grateful I am to the Lord for him/her."  OR "My friends Kayla and Candace are really good bloggers.  I wish I could be like them."  And then, the end of the day rolls around and all I have time for is to get those last dishes in the dishwasher, fold the last load of laundry, pick up some toys, read a bit of the Word, and go to bed.

Daily, I am amazed at my children.  Moment by moment I am struck by what a wonderful man of God I get to run this journey with.  In the mornings, I am struck by the beauty of my front yard (sans deer!) and every evening the sun sets through my front window.  And this morning, when sis was sleeping and the boys were playing quietly, this is what the second chief in line (middle born) was building.

 
Look mama, it's Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, and a donkey.  Out of legos.  Precious.

"So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.  He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.  While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." Luke 2:4-7

Just some summer fun. . .

Fun at a wedding. . .

Wow.  That's cute.  :)

Climbing trees. . .

sitting on beaches.

Surfing!!!

And hanging out with old friends. 

It's been a good start so far . . . we made it back home.  

Stay tuned for Baby Bethany and her first birthday pics!  Oh my!

Mothering. . . Grandmothering. . . and BirthMothering.

So, there is so much running around in my brain- this is only the first on the list.  I don't often get it all down on the blog, but I thought these thoughts were important.  And I wanted to share them.

We started the adoption journey a long time ago.  While in seminary, over 7 years ago, the Lord began his chant over our lives. . . "There are babies who don't have mommies and daddies.  You are a mommy and a daddy."  I know.  It's almost silly, and yet very simple at the same time.  And in the last seven years, my definition of mommy and daddy has grown exponentially.  I didn't realize my heart could be expanded so wide- that love this high and wide and deep would fit inside me.  I have had so many moments when I felt like my heart would explode for simple love for my children.  And to know that the Father in heaven loves me with such height and width and depth- though much more perfectly- has continually pushed me to my knees in gratitude. 

And then, I have this amazing relationship with my grandmother- far out-reaching your normal grandmotherly kind of relationship.  She would pray unceasingly for me and my family.  She would visit us for weeks at a time- holding babies and little boys, watching movies together, reading books, coloring, making playdoh flowers, and planting the real kind.  I would encourage her with words that must have come straight from the Holy Spirit- impacting her heart like only He can.  We even had a spat or two.  Over adoption at that!  It was a lot of money to raise for a woman raised in the depression.  And don't even get her started on college expenses!  We resigned to not talk about it anymore- but to take it to Jesus.  And he would have to change one of our minds.  14 months later she was holding my baby girl with tears in her eyes.  8 days after that she went to be with Jesus.  In a strange way, birth is forever connected with death in my heart.   

And through it all, my precious mother.  I would not be the mother I am without her example, prayers, love, and wisdom flowing through my mind and heart.  She too lost her mother this year.  She too has wept at loss in the face of life.  She had a dream about the babies that would come into our family- not from my womb, but from others.  She has embraced us all- at every turn.  And supported us over and over with her words and her actions.  She spoils this little girl as much (if not more!) than the boys that came from my belly.  She has so woven her heart into these children that they call on her often- with joy from their hearts.

And finally, a birth mother.  This woman I will never see.  This woman sacrificed so much.  This woman loved- when it was no where around her, when there was no hope.  This woman made a choice.  This woman saved the life of both her child and mine.  It would be the same thing as someone pulling my son from a burning car.  Or my child from the grip of a killer.  This woman saved my daughter when she chose to give her life.  And the quandary of my heart this weekend?  I can never thank her.  I can never show her the joy that flows from my daughter's heart.  I can never explain to her what a wonderful thing she did.  I can't ever send her a picture or a thank you card- though none of that would ever do it justice.  All I can do is to put her before the Creator of heaven and earth- that He would make himself known to her.  That my gratitude would come to her through Him.  That He would meet her heart where it is- that His grace would become real to her.  That she would never live in condemnation for the choices that she has made.  That redemption would dwell near her.  That perfect LOVE would cast out all fear.  All I can do is pray- that somehow she would know.

and yes, that is JOY!

Romans 8:23-24  "Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved."

John 3:16-17  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." 

A Prelude to an Easter Reflection. . .

Thanks NaeNae. . .  the bugs were a HIT!

Everyone loves some resurrection cake. . . . Jesus coming up out of the chocolate grave!!  :)

Oh mama. . .  how could you??????????

It's Friday. . . . but Sunday's a comin'!!!

So, my friend Candace posted this excerpt from an incredibly famous and wonderful sermon by Tony Campolo.  But, it left my heart longing to hear the real thing.  What happened that Friday, so long ago??  Here's my version. . . . .


It's Friday . . . . and betrayal comes with a kiss . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday. . . .  and the God-Man, Jesus is standing convicted before an earthly king . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday. . . . and the Son of God is whipped and brutally beaten . . . . but Sunday's a comin'


It's Friday. . . . and a mother has lost her son . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and a son has been adopted. . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and the disciples are gone . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and there are women weeping . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and there was gambling . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and best friends were lying and denying . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and a rooster crowed . . . .  but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . .  and a painful crown is placed . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and a notorious prisoner is released . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday. . . . and the Son of the Creator of the Universe is hanging on a cross . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and the thieves argued . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and there's darkness . . . . lots of darkness . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . .  and God was silent . . . . .



For without Sunday, we have no hope.  We have no life.  Death wins and the Devil triumphs.  For without Sunday there are no firstfruits.  We have no resurrection.  We are dead- both spiritually in our sins, and eternally, physically- in the ground. 

1 Corinthians 15:13-14  "If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised.  And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith."

The Baby. :)

Oh my, is she getting ever bigger.  I know, you all want to see pictures of her, but let me brag a little bit.  She is a crawling machine!  She LOVES to eat.  People, I cannot understate this fact.  She has almost decided she doesn't want her bottles!  I am working hard on it, but she loves to eat food that she can pick up with her fingers.  And her thighs are proof!  What fun.  She babbles all kinds of things, loves to make sounds, and has definitely found her voice.  I have been so excited to see her personality come out- I knew it was in there, but am learning to wait patiently to know her more.  The Lord is so wise in his direction over our lives, and I am filled with gratitude that he put this little girl in our family.  She is a JOY- and the boys in this house can't get enough of her (yes, all THREE of them.)  Thank you Lord, for your goodness and your joy that is so evident these days.

Isaiah 58:13-14  "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,  then you will find your JOY in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken."

The Middle Chief. . . all his own.

So, I desperately wanted to remember this event happening.  It was one of the funnier moments in our house.  This weekend my mom is coming up for a visit.  ALWAYS a very exciting time in our house.  Yesterday, I was asking her about sleeping arrangements, and the middle chief-having overheard, asked to talk to her.  He wanted to make sure that she knew about the bed under his bed in his room.  And that she was more than welcome to sleep in it.

As they talked a minute longer, I heard my mom say something about a secret.  For me.  Asking if Samuel could keep a secret.  He looked straight at me and said, "Yes."  He knew what a secret was and he knew how to keep it.  She said something else to him and he whispered back (as I was sitting right next to him).  Obviously, she couldn't hear on the other end of the line and kept asking him, and he kept answering-- without saying anything.  So, I figured I better intervene and told him to go to the back of the house and then he could talk to her, since it was a secret and all.  Where did he choose?  Under the kitchen table, not 10 feet from me.  Then he's still not talking to NaeNae, because he hasn't gotten himself situated under the table and she's still saying, "Are you there???"  Finally, he started talking again, once it was clear.  hahaha!

I laughed for a while and then realized how precious it was that he wanted to keep the secret from he.  He is a wonderful, amazing little boy and I am blessed to have him.  The Lord is good in all of his creations and I only get a little taste here, but I am ever grateful.  If we only knew all the secrets that the Lord longs to tell us, that we would put our hope in the day when the relationship is fully restored and all things are made known!  Praise the Lord!

Community Life. . . . again. :)

So, I've been having all these thoughts about community living- what it looks like, what is bad about it, what is good.  Lots of thoughts.  I don't think there is any particular formula.  We've had a family stay with us for three months (upstairs in the top of our house!)-- it worked for us, but I don't recommend that formula as a general plan.  Not enough space, too many kids.  ;)  Love you people though, you know who I mean.  Anyway, we have an okay system worked out here.  One rule I believe in firmly is doors.  Everyone has to have a door to close.  Even though large families in Africa live all in a one room hut- doesn't mean that us westerners should be able to do the same.  We have too much baggage for such a thing.  However, if you have some good doors to close, you will have significantly more success than if not. 
 

ANYWAY, this past weekend we went up to MN to see some dear friends (mentioned above) who were living in a house with another family.  They had their ups and downs, as everyone does, but we got to witness firsthand one of the beautiful parts of community.  They cooked together, cleaned together, payed rent together, and most importantly, prayed together.  They had scheduled times of prayer and worship set into their weekly schedule- 3-4 times a week.  And whether it was just the adults, or all 5 kids as well, it was a beautiful thing.  To sit in simplicity, one guitar, one hand drum, worshipping and praying to the Creator of the universe.  Putting love and repentance at the forefront, and then choosing to spend hours in prayer for the lost around them.  The neighborhood kids, the local churches and their outreaches, the large Somali population that gathered at a nearby mall.  Either way, it was so beautiful in it's simplicity.  Every voice could be heard, but no one was particularly amazing.  There was humility and genuine desire to love God and one another.  No one had any special training, and yet the seminarian and the 5-year old worshiped the same God.  So, as I was awed by what the Father was doing, the light was just right and I snapped a few shots.  They were just as beautiful as I thought the whole situation was.

 

Little mamas. . . ever mothering.

Daddies. . . ever leading.

Little girls . . .  ever dancing.

Acts 2:42-44  "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.  Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.  All the believers were together and had everything in common."

The eldest, little chief.

Well, my apologies.  It has been too long, and though I have personally spoken to my loyal readers (ahem), it is still necessary.  I found  myself in bed last night rolling through all kinds of thoughts in my head and decided that I would try and spit them out.  For those of you who know me, you realize this is a most difficult process.  I have already processed them with a live person (at least one I can see in front of me) and so finding the time to do the second step is quite difficult.  Nonetheless, I begin.

1.  I want to start with my precious children, namely the eldest. He is amazing.  Hey is getting so big, it's unbelievable.  I know all parents experience the same emotions, so I am in no way different, but seriously.  How did I get to have an almost 7 year old?????  Last weekend we decided something had to be done about our driveway.  It is quite steep, paved with that black stuff (not concrete) and has been breaking apart all over.  It was consuming the Daddy chief's time and worries- as repaving a driveway like ours is close to 10k.  Missionaries don't really have that sitting around. . . .i suppose you all don't either, but you know.  AND if you do have that kind of cash sitting around, who really wants to spend it on a driveway when there's another member of your family out there some where waiting to be adopted????  (another post for another day)  ANYWAY,  we had a seal put over the existing driveway to prolong it's life and Daddy had to clear all the debris off it.  The guy said he would be here early Saturday morning.  Big Boy Chief had his first soccer game at 9:30.  At 10, daddy was still out on the driveway.  He was heartbroken.  They both were.  And to top it all off, the guy called (at 10) and said the paving plant was closed and he wouldn't be coming out at all.  As I was explaining to my son how sad his daddy was- we headed home.  We picked up daddy and they sat in the back of the van together and talked the whole way to Lowes.  (We had to pick up some broccoli plants, another post)  That afternoon when it was quiet in the house, I was sitting at the bar with him talking about the morning.  He looked at me and said, "Mommy, I feel sad that Daddy feels sad."  We then proceeded to have this precious coversation about what it means to have compassion for the people around you.  I know they have talked about it some in school, but seeing my little boy connect at a heart level with suffering around him was intimately profound, preciously beautiful, and humbly strong.  He has such an amazing capacity to love, just as the Lord told us from the very beginning.  Within the next several days, I watched him give his brother two quarters, when he was sad that he didn't get as much allowance.  He also asked me about when we would adopt again and with deep concern, what happens to the kids and babies that don't get adopted?  Maybe it's just boys, but this is a new thing for us.  Something that is very important to my heart and something I desperately want my kids to see.  Though we can't fix all the wrongs in the world, and though it is not our job- to be able to see them with the eyes of the Father is to be able to love them.  To have compassion in your heart is to begin to see things like Jesus does.  How I want for my kids to know the heart of the Son.  To have compassion, is to love at the simplest level.  Seeing can someday become doing, but doing will never happen if we can never see. 
 (sidenote, it is never fully about doing-- only obedience according to the Spirit)

Matthew 22:36-40   36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"  37 Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  38 This is the first and greatest commandment.  39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."


Matthew 6:22  22 "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light."