A birthday story.

I wanted to show you everything- all pics from years past.  And then I couldn't get them off the network.  So, I decided to tell you about it instead.  We have started a tradition in our house of telling the story- first thing on the morning of a birthday, we tell the story of how the Lord gave us all breath.  And so this is how it went Saturday morning at 7 sharp, with three little people and two not-so-little in one queen sized bed.

It was late one evening, really hot outside, and Daddy and I were putting together a new piece of furniture for the TV.  I was really concerned that the one we had wasn't safe or childproof, and we must get a new one before you were born.  ;)  Mommy's belly started hurting, but it wasn't the normal kind of baby's coming hurting.  Besides, you weren't supposed to come for another five weeks!  After an hour or so, it was getting worse so we called the doctor.  She didn't realize it, but she was listening to the Lord when she told us to come in to the hospital.  We stuck some stuff in a bag and went out to get in the car.  When daddy helped me out, there was a big white german shepherd dog sitting in my seat!!  It was craziness.  A dog that we had never before seen in our neighborhood, and he wouldn't get out of the car.  Daddy had to pick him up so that there was room for me!  After he walked away I sat down and we went straight to the hospital.  We called NaeNae and Papa and they started packing.  We got there pretty late, and the nurses started listening to your heartbeat.  It wasn't quite what they like to hear, so they called the doctor and as soon as she got there she said it was time for you to come out!  Very quickly she and daddy changed clothes and we went into another room and it was there that you were born!  You came out of mommy's belly and your cry was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.  The doctor that was there to take care of you said he had never seen a baby born early that was as strong as you were.  We knew right then that the Lord had given you breath at the right moment, that he had protected you inside mommy's belly, and that he had special plans for you.  The verse that he spoke to daddy that night was:
"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." Revelation 4:11

 The Lord said to us that it was Him who created you and I, and it was by His will that we had our being.  And that He is worthy to receive glory and honor for the work He did on the night you were born.  Then the doctors took you to one room and they took mommy to another room to make sure that we were going to be okay.  NaeNae and Papa were driving as fast as they could to get there, but it was a long way.  They were really excited to meet you!  The next morning, I woke up and you were in the nursery and I was in the ICU.  I begged and begged the nurses to bring you to me so that we could be together.  And I kept sending your daddy to be with you.  Finally, they put us in one room together and we were all soooooo happy.  Mama Candace and Daddy Jack came, and even Anna Grace, who was in her mama's belly.  After that, NaeNae and Papa got there and we were all together.  After a week we got to go home and NaeNae stayed with us for another two whole weeks!  We had so much fun together.  In the beginning, you loved to eat and sleep.  I guess we both did the same thing for a week or so there.  The Lord began speaking to us so clearly about how he had been with us on the night you were born and we have never forgotten.

You are an amazing little boy and I am so proud of you every day.  You are caring, compassionate, strong of heart, and sensitive to others.  You are smart, easy-going, and love to play with friends.  You are a great soccer and basketball player.  Your growing love for the Lord is beautiful and I am so blessed to have you as a son.  I love you, my firstborn.  

 About Benjamin he said: "Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

Worship. . .

I feel like I'm on a blogging roll, but I guess that's just how it goes in our house.  You'll hear all kinds of fun from me for a day or two or maybe even a week, but then I fall off the face of the blogging world for a month or two.  Nonetheless, tonight we had an amazing event.  It really has been happening all week, but I'll get there.

Most of you know my second born's tendency to want to stay at home and close to familiarity.  Well, this week he overcame some major fears and went to bible school.  I am as proud as a mama can be and watched his heart learn and grow all week long.  And watched my own do the same thing.  I struggled and cried and laughed and felt incredibly insecure all at the same time.  I saw a piece of my son's heart that I had been longing to understand.  It was amazing. . . . and miserable all at the same time.  However, tonight we went to an end of the week potluck where all the kids sang their songs for us.  It was beautiful.  And in the middle of it, the Lord spoke to my heart so clearly.  These little ones that he has set in front of me for a season are only like this for moments.  And soon they will be doing amazing things.  Things that I can only imagine- I saw in my precious first-born one who loves rhythm, one who stands well behind others- supporting in strength and love.

 

And then I saw a blond head- praising the Lord with all his heart.  One that would come forth in song, loudly for all to hear.  With courage and might.  Someday, there is a very real chance that one of these little boys will lead many to the heart of the Father- because tonight, as I watched them, I saw the heart of the Father.  I saw a Father who created an earth for us to live on forever, a "big, big house" eternally.  My heart was filled with the desire to rise up and praise him. . . "Let the glory of the Lord rise among us. . . . . oooohhh, oh ,oh LET IT RISE."  I was moved to know Him better because of the words that came from the mouths of babes.  Oh Lord, let it be that your songs would flow from the hearts of these two.  (and maybe their sister as time rolls along...)

 

"We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.  He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands." Psalm 78:4-7  (underline mine)

lovely pics. . .

Just chillin'

Oh my. . .  if that isn't the look I get all the time from my boys. . . melts a mama's heart.

Absolutely wonderful big brothers.

Wow.

Did you people hear what I said?????

Again. . .  oh my.

I love my boys!

Have you seen such joy??

 

Someday I'll have to beg for kisses. . .  until then I will enjoy them to the fullest extent!

So, for those of you who have asked, these are some of my favorites.  Probably because the expressions caught are just plain perfect.  I knew the amazing Steve Willis would do a wonderful job, but when he showed up and sis cried more than I had hoped, and the boys whined, and I was insecure about my shirt choice (ruffles??? is it a puffy shirt???), and Samuel threw a fit about his shirt, and John's pants were wrinkled, and just about everything else that you can imagine, I didn't know if a miracle was possible.  And then I saw them and cried.

There is this strange reality in my heart that doesn't know how to take pictures.  I am sure it is rooted in some strange experience in middle school when some immature boy said something inconsiderate or some image from a magazine lodged itself in my brain, but for whatever reason I always feel like I look like a nerd in pictures.  I know, I know all the right answers.  But when someone stands in front of me with a camera I get all weird.  I stick my chin up too far, I close my eyes, I tilt my head abnormally to one side, or I giggle.  I make odd smiles, or just give up all together and quit.  Either way, there's a history of oddity in pics.  Even at one point being called a "Jerry's Kid." (you know, one of those kids a long time ago that would get charity donations because they had been through cancer and chemo and didn't have any hair) when I was a kid.  Though, let me be clear- I never had cancer, nor did I lose my hair.  It was just pulled tight in a ponytail.  I digress. . . . .

I think that one of the reasons I love these so much is that I look at my family, and can honestly say we are beautiful.  All of us.  And my heart overflows with pride- that the Lord has done such things in my heart that I can look at my children and see such beauty and then recognize that if the Father created them with such beauty, then he created me with it too.  And He is a good father.  He is a good creator.  And He is a lover of all things beautiful. . . even, and most especially me.  Inside and out.

I'm workin' on it. . .  I'll probably forget before the next photo shoot, but I'm trying to listen to the one who made me and knows me.  He is good.

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:4-6

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God,are strong, and that you O Lord, are loving. Psalm 62:11-12

My apologies. . . . I am such a bad blogger.

Well, I promise my friends. . .  I have all kinds of thoughts going on and things happening here and there.  I am also coming to the conclusion that I am a horrible blogger.  I can't ever seem to get to that last step. . . . actually typing it up here.  I have a thousand moments a day where I think, "wow that would make a fun blog."  OR "I should take a pic of that and put it on the blog."  OR "I really want to write about my precious baby and his/her birthday and how grateful I am to the Lord for him/her."  OR "My friends Kayla and Candace are really good bloggers.  I wish I could be like them."  And then, the end of the day rolls around and all I have time for is to get those last dishes in the dishwasher, fold the last load of laundry, pick up some toys, read a bit of the Word, and go to bed.

Daily, I am amazed at my children.  Moment by moment I am struck by what a wonderful man of God I get to run this journey with.  In the mornings, I am struck by the beauty of my front yard (sans deer!) and every evening the sun sets through my front window.  And this morning, when sis was sleeping and the boys were playing quietly, this is what the second chief in line (middle born) was building.

 
Look mama, it's Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, and a donkey.  Out of legos.  Precious.

"So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.  He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.  While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." Luke 2:4-7

Just some summer fun. . .

Fun at a wedding. . .

Wow.  That's cute.  :)

Climbing trees. . .

sitting on beaches.

Surfing!!!

And hanging out with old friends. 

It's been a good start so far . . . we made it back home.  

Stay tuned for Baby Bethany and her first birthday pics!  Oh my!

Mothering. . . Grandmothering. . . and BirthMothering.

So, there is so much running around in my brain- this is only the first on the list.  I don't often get it all down on the blog, but I thought these thoughts were important.  And I wanted to share them.

We started the adoption journey a long time ago.  While in seminary, over 7 years ago, the Lord began his chant over our lives. . . "There are babies who don't have mommies and daddies.  You are a mommy and a daddy."  I know.  It's almost silly, and yet very simple at the same time.  And in the last seven years, my definition of mommy and daddy has grown exponentially.  I didn't realize my heart could be expanded so wide- that love this high and wide and deep would fit inside me.  I have had so many moments when I felt like my heart would explode for simple love for my children.  And to know that the Father in heaven loves me with such height and width and depth- though much more perfectly- has continually pushed me to my knees in gratitude. 

And then, I have this amazing relationship with my grandmother- far out-reaching your normal grandmotherly kind of relationship.  She would pray unceasingly for me and my family.  She would visit us for weeks at a time- holding babies and little boys, watching movies together, reading books, coloring, making playdoh flowers, and planting the real kind.  I would encourage her with words that must have come straight from the Holy Spirit- impacting her heart like only He can.  We even had a spat or two.  Over adoption at that!  It was a lot of money to raise for a woman raised in the depression.  And don't even get her started on college expenses!  We resigned to not talk about it anymore- but to take it to Jesus.  And he would have to change one of our minds.  14 months later she was holding my baby girl with tears in her eyes.  8 days after that she went to be with Jesus.  In a strange way, birth is forever connected with death in my heart.   

And through it all, my precious mother.  I would not be the mother I am without her example, prayers, love, and wisdom flowing through my mind and heart.  She too lost her mother this year.  She too has wept at loss in the face of life.  She had a dream about the babies that would come into our family- not from my womb, but from others.  She has embraced us all- at every turn.  And supported us over and over with her words and her actions.  She spoils this little girl as much (if not more!) than the boys that came from my belly.  She has so woven her heart into these children that they call on her often- with joy from their hearts.

And finally, a birth mother.  This woman I will never see.  This woman sacrificed so much.  This woman loved- when it was no where around her, when there was no hope.  This woman made a choice.  This woman saved the life of both her child and mine.  It would be the same thing as someone pulling my son from a burning car.  Or my child from the grip of a killer.  This woman saved my daughter when she chose to give her life.  And the quandary of my heart this weekend?  I can never thank her.  I can never show her the joy that flows from my daughter's heart.  I can never explain to her what a wonderful thing she did.  I can't ever send her a picture or a thank you card- though none of that would ever do it justice.  All I can do is to put her before the Creator of heaven and earth- that He would make himself known to her.  That my gratitude would come to her through Him.  That He would meet her heart where it is- that His grace would become real to her.  That she would never live in condemnation for the choices that she has made.  That redemption would dwell near her.  That perfect LOVE would cast out all fear.  All I can do is pray- that somehow she would know.

and yes, that is JOY!

Romans 8:23-24  "Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved."

John 3:16-17  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." 

A Prelude to an Easter Reflection. . .

Thanks NaeNae. . .  the bugs were a HIT!

Everyone loves some resurrection cake. . . . Jesus coming up out of the chocolate grave!!  :)

Oh mama. . .  how could you??????????

It's Friday. . . . but Sunday's a comin'!!!

So, my friend Candace posted this excerpt from an incredibly famous and wonderful sermon by Tony Campolo.  But, it left my heart longing to hear the real thing.  What happened that Friday, so long ago??  Here's my version. . . . .


It's Friday . . . . and betrayal comes with a kiss . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday. . . .  and the God-Man, Jesus is standing convicted before an earthly king . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday. . . . and the Son of God is whipped and brutally beaten . . . . but Sunday's a comin'


It's Friday. . . . and a mother has lost her son . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and a son has been adopted. . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and the disciples are gone . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and there are women weeping . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and there was gambling . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and best friends were lying and denying . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and a rooster crowed . . . .  but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . .  and a painful crown is placed . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and a notorious prisoner is released . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday. . . . and the Son of the Creator of the Universe is hanging on a cross . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and the thieves argued . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . . and there's darkness . . . . lots of darkness . . . . but Sunday's a comin'

It's Friday . . . .  and God was silent . . . . .



For without Sunday, we have no hope.  We have no life.  Death wins and the Devil triumphs.  For without Sunday there are no firstfruits.  We have no resurrection.  We are dead- both spiritually in our sins, and eternally, physically- in the ground. 

1 Corinthians 15:13-14  "If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised.  And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith."

The Baby. :)

Oh my, is she getting ever bigger.  I know, you all want to see pictures of her, but let me brag a little bit.  She is a crawling machine!  She LOVES to eat.  People, I cannot understate this fact.  She has almost decided she doesn't want her bottles!  I am working hard on it, but she loves to eat food that she can pick up with her fingers.  And her thighs are proof!  What fun.  She babbles all kinds of things, loves to make sounds, and has definitely found her voice.  I have been so excited to see her personality come out- I knew it was in there, but am learning to wait patiently to know her more.  The Lord is so wise in his direction over our lives, and I am filled with gratitude that he put this little girl in our family.  She is a JOY- and the boys in this house can't get enough of her (yes, all THREE of them.)  Thank you Lord, for your goodness and your joy that is so evident these days.

Isaiah 58:13-14  "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,  then you will find your JOY in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken."

The Middle Chief. . . all his own.

So, I desperately wanted to remember this event happening.  It was one of the funnier moments in our house.  This weekend my mom is coming up for a visit.  ALWAYS a very exciting time in our house.  Yesterday, I was asking her about sleeping arrangements, and the middle chief-having overheard, asked to talk to her.  He wanted to make sure that she knew about the bed under his bed in his room.  And that she was more than welcome to sleep in it.

As they talked a minute longer, I heard my mom say something about a secret.  For me.  Asking if Samuel could keep a secret.  He looked straight at me and said, "Yes."  He knew what a secret was and he knew how to keep it.  She said something else to him and he whispered back (as I was sitting right next to him).  Obviously, she couldn't hear on the other end of the line and kept asking him, and he kept answering-- without saying anything.  So, I figured I better intervene and told him to go to the back of the house and then he could talk to her, since it was a secret and all.  Where did he choose?  Under the kitchen table, not 10 feet from me.  Then he's still not talking to NaeNae, because he hasn't gotten himself situated under the table and she's still saying, "Are you there???"  Finally, he started talking again, once it was clear.  hahaha!

I laughed for a while and then realized how precious it was that he wanted to keep the secret from he.  He is a wonderful, amazing little boy and I am blessed to have him.  The Lord is good in all of his creations and I only get a little taste here, but I am ever grateful.  If we only knew all the secrets that the Lord longs to tell us, that we would put our hope in the day when the relationship is fully restored and all things are made known!  Praise the Lord!